another moral hangover. fuck.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
