But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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