She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
