if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
