I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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