Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
