So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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