I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
