Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
