i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
