Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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