I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
