I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
