Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
