i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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