Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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