so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
