it was like his penis was on wheels.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
