You can't motorboat a personality
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
