Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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