none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
