I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
