Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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