Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
