So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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