Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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