I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
