the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
