Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
