Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize