We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
