I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
