I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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