giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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