haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
