the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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