True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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