please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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