You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
