Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
