Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
