I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
