bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
