god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
