So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
