Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
