I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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