its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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