He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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