maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
