I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
