in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
