i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
