Got a toothbrush?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
