I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
